Healing

I’ve been recovering. Today is probably the best day I’ve had all week. I can breathe out of my nose, but now I have the cough. Luckily Delsym is coming in handy for that. Delsym and olive leaf complex. No joke. It’s apparently antimicrobial, antibacterial, antiviral, and an overall good health tonic. My dad bought it for himself, then Nonna started using it, then my mom and I got sick so I figured, why the hell not? It’s bitter but has this peppermint taste to it, so it goes down easy. I’ve been taking 2-3 tablespoons a day (along with the rest of my health “meds”) and I’ve been feeling a lot better since.

I can’t get over the fact that today feels like a Saturday. It’s probably because Columbus Day is coming up and my mom took off work to have an extra-long weekend. But no, today’s Friday. And with the free time I had this morning (since my mom helped with the daily Nonna morning routine), I decided to switch my wardrobes over. My closet is very small, and it can’t hold all my clothes at once. So I end up switching them out during the summer/fall and winter/spring transitions. I’m glad I got that done.

I have a lot more winter clothes than summer clothes, probably because I like winter a lot more. I prefer a big sweater over a tank top any day (unless of course it’s 100 degrees out) probably because I’m more comfortable with my body when it’s covered up. And I prefer the sensation of being warm in the cold as opposed cooling off when it’s hot. There’s more of a coziness to it. The latter is more of a relief.

Ace Enders spontaneously released a new album yesterday – and of course it’s awesome. I listened to it this morning. Y’all gotta check it out. He is one of my favorite songwriters of all time.

Music heals, I’m certain of it. That and laughter. I’m keeping both in stock while I overcome this silly sinus cold.

An Ode To Fall (And This Moment, Right Now)

Football, music, and home life keep me more grounded than I’d care to admit.

It’s newness intertwined with certainty.

It makes waking up every morning not seem so bad.

I like gloomy, cloudy days like today because it justifies staying home and baking sweets.

When I went for a walk this afternoon I couldn’t help notice all the pretty leaves on the ground. I’m glad it’s autumn. I’m glad it’s this time of year again. It almost feels like a relief.

Unrelatedly, I finished Broad City today and I gotta say, I think it grew on me. I wasn’t sure what to make of it when I began the first couple of episodes but it’s really hilarious and I think it’ll soon grow into its own. First seasons of any show bring feelings of uncertainty.

I played an open mic last night, finished my 24/7 project this morning, and have a show tomorrow. I haven’t played one in awhile, but I think it’ll be fun.

I don’t know where I’m going but it’s definitely somewhere.

I’m thinking of going to a museum soon…It’s been awhile.

Can’t wait to finish Ethics and move on to Joseph Campbell’s collection of short stories. Spinoza isn’t easy, but since Kate Mulgrew read it, I felt like I had to. So I’m glad I’m getting it done.

As I sit here typing this, it’s nearly 4 o’clock in the afternoon on a Thursday. I’m listening to Tom Petty on low, glancing at football coverage on NFL Network, getting pumped for the Packers/Vikings game tonight. My dog’s curled up in a corner, keeping warm and I can’t help but feel content because it’s my favorite feeling, though it’s sometimes elusive. Because you can’t fake it or pretend it. It’s either there or it’s not. Thankfully it is, and I hope it stays for a long time – Perhaps to be prolonged by making a milkshake 😉

Indifferent Birthday

My birthday’s on Saturday. Is it weird that I don’t care about it?

I feel like I haven’t for awhile now, since I was 15 at least. It’s just I don’t see what’s so special about it. I used to get a really nice feeling when my birthday would come around, but not so much anymore.

I suppose it’s nice to think you were brought into the world on this certain day and all but aside from that, what’s the point? I don’t really ask for gifts because I’m really bad at remembering others’ birthdays and more often than not forget to get people anything, so I usually feel guilty when someone gets me something. Even my parents and family. I just feel so reliant on them all the time, I start feeling awful when they even offer.

Because of my dairy intolerance and all-around wheat avoidance, going out to eat gives me more anxiety than pleasure, so I’m always lukewarm to that idea too. Excessive drinking went out of style for me long ago. Not that I’m difficult to please, but I just feel like no matter what I do, the day has lost its meaning – at least for me.

It’s shame, I know. But I don’t know how to change the way I feel.

The only thing I like about my birthday is the weather. I love the fall. It’s always so crisp and cool and satisfying; As this part of the Earth gets ready for winter, nature begins to die and wither, leaves change colors, and the fresh air smells like the anticipation of falling in love. There’s a freedom about it; A giddiness that bubbles in my veins. The crazy idea that everything will be okay after all.