Okay. Tall green stalks, tips pointed upward. Tough bottoms, tender tops. There is a cascade of color that runs from the bottom to the top. What’s the word? Contrast? No. Hue, hubris…Anyway, it’ll come to me – white to light green on the bottom, and then darker green as the color works its way up. A nutritious vegetable, though I’m not sure what the nutritive value is. But it has to be good, right? To make your pee stink so bad, it has to be good for you? It certainly tastes like a vegetable, but can be saved with a little olive oil and salt to make your taste buds pop. I guess you could season it with anything. Usually grilled or steamed, in my experience. Some stalks are thicker than others – Thicker is better for grilling. You could lose thin ones on the grill, or they can get really charred. When asparagus is raw, it feels pretty hard, tough, tender. But cooking it usually softens it up a bit, especially if gets steamed. The bottoms are usually crunchy, sometimes tough and unedible with the exception of the inside of the stalk. I guess each asparagus is a case-by-case basis. The tops are tasty and tender. They’re usually a side dish, never a main event but can be used in soups, omelettes, stirfry, and quiche. Like anything else, they’ll crack and pop in the pan, or rumble against the pot as the water boils below. But that steamed water smells like piss – asparagus piss. It’s god awful; hot, potent. I’d hate to smell that hungover; It’d make me gag for sure. I wonder what area of the world asparagus is native to and what it was like to discover it first. Fruits and vegetables (and mushrooms) are so weird like that. I guess trial and error taught people what was poisonous and what wasn’t. They’re usually sold in bunches, tied together with a thick rubberband. It’s a vegetable staple not to be eaten raw. Cooked only. I don’t know anyone who eats raw asparagus, but it can’t be good for you. It’s not something to be dipped in ranch dressing on a crudite platter. Ignorance abound. Myself in younger years. I’ve never grown or farmed asparagus. I don’t know what it looks like before the supermarket. It might’ve been a crop on FarmVille. What a wild time to be a live then. The earliest iteration of Facebook games. Virtual, digital vegetables. Excuses to not pay attention in class, or go home early.