scattered day recollection & muscle memory

It’s 10:45 and I am wide-awake. Which is SO strange because I only had one cup of coffee today and went to breathwork, which initially took a lot out of me, but then I had a second wind; I was inspired to go on a 50-minute walk, which rightfully tired me out – But then I had a third wind and watched Vice with my mom and brother, which was a wild ride. And then I got a fourth wind and now all my SPIN magazines are listed on eBay. And here I am, sitting in my room having completed that monotonous task. I hope people bid. I think these magazines deserve good homes. To real fans. I know I’m going to sleep well tonight because of breathwork, but right now, wow – I am awake.

I’m realizing I’m getting worse at responding to text messages. But maybe in a weird way that’s a good thing? Like, that I’m not so eagerly diverting my attention away from whatever I’m doing to answer? But maybe also bad because I’m forgetting to answer them when I do have time? I owe a friend a text back. Maybe I’ll do that after I’m done typing this.

I dusted my fan today and it was filthy. Here’s hoping my allergy-induced runny nose disappears overnight!

There’s a part of me wondering if I should discuss the breathwork experience I had today, but the words aren’t coming very easily so I think I’ll let it lie for now. I’m glad I went. It was good and cathartic and so so necessary. But even though I am awake, perhaps I do not have the energy to revisit my afternoon experience…

I think I may try and revisit that “Angeles” tutorial so I can perfect that.

Today I wanted to go through the rough mixes of songs for my EP so far and perhaps make a list of what needs to be done / changed, set goals, and deadlines. But I’m definitely too tired for that. I think I’ll try to accomplish that tomorrow.

I’m so excited because it was so wonderfully warm and springy today and I’m even doubly excited because I have some cold brew in the fridge. Can’t wait to drink that on ice tomorrow morning.

I think I might have to change the strings on my Les Paul and I’m having anxiety about it…It’s so beautiful, I don’t wanna fuck it up.

I know this post is a little choppy and all over the place, but my mind is a little scattered right now. I do try to have some sort of cohesion when I sit down to type, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen and I rather get the words out then hold them in, even if they’re not ideally organized.

I need to join a band. Every time I close my eyes I see myself performing.

My sweaty hands are the worst. But they’re me. And they’re a really difficult part of me to love. I struggle with it every day of my life.

I want to read and create more.

Today I had a thought that music is like math to me sometimes. I’m not sure if I can fully articulate why, but it’s something like, I can’t understand until I see the answer (the song) and see how it’s done (written/produced). I need to work off that framework and study it from multiple angles. I can’t just be given a problem if I don’t know the concept well enough. It needs to be auto-pilot, muscle-memorized, second-nature. And if it’s not, I’m fucked. Muscle memory is a majority of my existence and how I get by. For better or worse.

Author: Roe

she/her. Songwriter & Trek Punk Soul™.

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