Where is this snow?

I’m in my room multi-tasking and failing.

I’m trying to put away clothes, understand my health insurance plan, understand my 401k plan, read a book, and listen to music.

And I’m failing to do any of those things competently.

Because as soon as I start doing one, I start thinking about the other things and then I get fidgety and anxious and can’t sit still and start moving on to something else even though the thing I’m working on is not complete. Because I’ll feel like shit if I spend the rest of my day doing one thing and don’t complete it by the day’s end. It’ll ruin any semblance of a good mood if I don’t get it done.

My room has been getting a little messy.

I need hangers.

I have this Star Trek onesie I bought a few years ago. It’s way too big but I never returned it. I wish I did. I’m hesitant to part with it, but I think I might. I was too excited when it came in the mail that I didn’t want to send it back out and exchange it. So I just kept it, told myself I’d get used it. But I really didn’t. I still wear it on occasion – when it’s really cold. But it’s a pain to pull it down and gather the thing up when going to the bathroom. It’s way too big. Maybe I’ll ask my dad if he wants it. It’s probably too big on him.

Weren’t we supposed to get a snowstorm today?

I didn’t go to yoga this morning, but I did get a massage that was divine. I hold all my stress in my shoulders and dear god, did they need to be worked on! I’ve made a resolution to try and get a massage at least bi-monthly, if not once a month. It’s a really good thing for the body. But I’m gonna be sore tomorrow. I can feel it.

My mom recently changed her job and she’s flying out to Denver for training on Monday. I wish she didn’t have to. I understand why she needs to go, but I wish she didn’t have to. The weather supposed to be windy and icy and everyone in my house has been in such a good mood lately, I want to keep running with it.

I still need to write lead guitar and bass parts for some songs I plan on recording, which will eventually make up my 5-track EP. I hear them in my head. Tried to hash out some bass yesterday. But I really need to sit down seriously with it. Not just do it in passing. I feel like that’s happening a lot with my songwriting in general. I’m too busy running around doing so many other things that I’m not dedicating serious time to it. But I need that serious time. I wonder if I’ll ever allow myself that sometime soon.

I scheduled some doctor appointments to get them out of the way. So I don’t have to think about them for the rest of the year. Just yearly checkups, you know? They make me so anxious. I hate it all so much. I hate going. It feels like the biggest waste of time. But my parents encourage it and despite how I feel, I think they’re right. So I make myself go. –

But anyway – Just finished a good dinner with the fam. Mom made salmon and chicken cutlets for my brother. I ate both and they were delicious. I think we’re going to play cards together or something. Sometimes we do things like that, as a family. It’s usually pretty rare, but its nice when it happens. My dad also said he might want that Trek onesie. We’ll see if it fits him. Still hasn’t started snowing here yet. What the eff – I wanted a blizzard. I love when there’s snowstorm and I have nowhere to be. What a exciting feeling.

However, it is still nice to be home with nowhere to go on a cold January night.


Author: Roe

30. she/her. Songwriter & Trek Punk Soul™.

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