Everything changes all the time and real-life metaphors are everything.
Somehow during yesterday’s storm I somehow fucked up the left lens of my glasses and I need to go get it looked at tomorrow; My vision’s been impaired. I need to take action to see clearer. So right now I’m wearing an old pair of glasses to get by and it’s been okay. But it’s not the best. Kind of uncomfortable to be honest. Sometimes relying on old methods isn’t a permanent solution. I’m still figuring it out.
Things change fast and slow all the time. Sometimes we can’t see it until after it happens. Sometimes we feel it more than we see it.
Today was one of those lazy days hanging out at home – Catching up on TV and snacking in pajamas. I hadn’t had a day like that in awhile. It felt good. (but also a little shitty. Sometimes I feel bad for letting myself indulge like that. I need to get over myself.)
I find myself thinking about how friends sometimes leave or diminish in our lives somehow, some way. But when they do, we start to recognize the indelible mark they’ve made on us – In the way we speak, tell a joke, view our outlook on life, respond to others. And how when we lose those friends, other friends come to fill in that gap made empty. But they do it with such force and will of life. Something dead was there before. We didn’t even realize it was dead. Now it’s a beautiful bouquet of flowers with hummingbirds and bumblebees. We must water and tend our relationships all the time.
We learn so much from each other that sometimes when there’s a falling out, it’s easy to equate a lot of things with that relationship, things that you shared. Things that afterwards seem less enjoyable because you shared them. I’m getting over this bullshit.
Last weekend I was going to shows and traveling alone and so my routine is all out of whack. I’m really looking forward to getting it back on track by hitting the hay early and waking up and being productive. I must be productive. Exercise! Errands! I’m even getting a massage tomorrow. (One that is desperately needed.) I must clean my room and do my laundry. Get my affairs in order. Catch up on email. Pay bills. Figure it out.
Life is so amazing and short. I’m realizing I don’t have time for other people’s bullshit. I wanna love my friends and and get out there. Enjoy life. Do things. Do things that will make the memoir interesting. That’s my mantra. I don’t want to rely on others if it means diminishing my own sense of self. I’m a strong, independent woman. I am Life.
Tomorrow morning, I’m making coffee and a to-do list and getting started. Dust the cobwebs off the shelf. I’m going to listen to all the music I’ve been putting off. I’m going to start teaching myself more songs on guitar and work on my technique. I’m a Jill of all Trades. I’m going to meditate and breathe through every triumph and tribulation. I am breath embodied. I’m going to organize and feel good about myself, feel good about Life.
But first, sleep. Sleep is important.